Weekend Wrap-Up

Last weekend was about 60% lovely and 40% awful (wrote about that part yesterday...). But the good parts really were great, so I can't complain.

Friday evening we took the dude to the circus for the first time. I gotta tell ya, I was really hesitant on this one. I always swore I would never take my kids to the circus, even if they really wanted to go. "Let somebody else do that," I would say. Why, you ask? ::Confession time:: I'm afraid of clowns. Nightmares about clowns. When I hear "circus," I think this:

Oh. My. God. Do not ever, for any reason, Google "scary clown." This was the tamest, I assure you.

Add to that a little anxiety, which is usually triggered by loud noises and large crowds, among other things, and you have a recipe for disaster. Not sure what came over me, but it was my idea to take Jack to the circus, and I bought the tickets.

I waited until just a few hours before to even tell the dude. As any toddler mom will tell you, put off the toddler's questions for a long as possible. Anyway, I was super excited to tell him by this time, thinking he was going to be ecstatic. Can you guess how it went??

Me: Guess where we're going tonight!!

Jack: Um...I don't know. (looking kind of excited)

Me: THE CIRCUS!!!

Jack: (looking 0.00% excited) oh. Can we just go to the store instead?

Me: But there will be elephants at the circus...

Jack: Oh ok then. Is it kind of like a store? (He likes to shop...)

"Are you excited about the circus?"

"Can you please smile like you're excited so I can take your picture?"

Once we got inside, he was a little overwhelmed but starting to get excited. He even got a pair of official circus binoclars to watch the show (or the people in the smoking section, whatever)!

Note to self(ie): Excited, antsy toddlers make for blurry selfies

So the dude was excited once we got there. He's always been a people-watcher, so that was fun enough for him. Just as the announcement was being made to quickly take your seats before the show starts, the wonderful child for whom I was attempting to face my clown-fears turned  to me and said, "Mom? Let's go home now."

A short moment later, the whole place went dark as the ring master took his place. "Mom?!? Who turned out the lights??" Not sure what the ring master was talking about...I had the giggles. Then the show started and just as we'd hoped, this happened:

The wonderment that can only be seen on the face of a child.

I've got to give props to those circus performers. They managed to hold the attention of my busy 2 year old for the better part of 2 hours! We were hardly even out of the parking lot before he asked to go back to the circus. Made my heart glad!

P.S.-The clowns weren't even scary!! To be honest, they really didn't look like clowns, aside from very minimal make-up. I'm still afraid of clowns, though, and will probably have nightmares for a week after looking up pictures of clowns for this post...

Angry Zebra

Yesterday started out great. Then it all went to shit. Here's how...I'll start from the beginning, which was almost week ago.

As I've written about here, the dude began infusion therapy for his immune deficiency this month. All was going well for the first two weeks, except for some hyperactivity. No big deal; I got this. Then came dose #3. After his infusion  last Monday, Jack was a little drowsy, took a nice long nap, and woke up...high. He was yelling like a crazy person and running in circles laughing. It was kind of funny, but definitely worse than the week before. He seemed to be back to normal by the next morning. Thursday morning, he intentionally broke 3 toys within less than two hours. My child has purposefully broken a toy maybe once (?) in his entire life. Things just got worse from there--he wasn't just hyper, he was aggressive. He yelled at me and the hubs, he frequently swung at us; he even tried to push me down when I wouldn't let him have his way. His behavior was back to normal Friday and Saturday morning.

Practicing infusions on his therapy buddies, Iggy & ZeeZee

Saturday afternoon, we left the dude with my mom for an adults-only date night. His behavior while we were gone, as well as all day Sunday and some of Monday, was the stuff toddler-mom nightmares are made of. More screaming, aggression, throwing punches, and just being mean. I called his immunologist--she'd never heard of such a side effect. I talked to several experienced moms in online support groups who said their kids had reacted similarly to this particular drug, although no such effect is listed in the drug insert (or online). We needed a plan.

I decided to take him to the new indoor play area at the mall and meet up with a mom-friend, thereby accomplishing two goals: keeping the dude active and getting a little adult conversation. The morning could not have gone any better, I tell ya! He played so well, alone and with other kids. He shared, he used his manners--I was such a proud momma! We bought new shoes (such a good sale!!), had a mother-son lunch, and even got cookies as a special treat. 

Enjoying a fruit cup while I shopped...

Then we went home, and all hell broke loose. It started with a simple request to check his temperature, and well...

My sweet baby had a complete and utter meltdown. He yelled, he clenched his fists, he threw anything he could lift over his head across the room. He screamed at the top of his lungs until his face was purple. And then this momma called the doctor and had a little "Come to Jesus" meeting with the nurse, and then a very similar meeting with the pharmacist. We cancelled the next shipment and decided to give him a few weeks off before deciding if we will resume treatment with an alternative drug. And then we both sat on the floor and cried. No more Hizentra for this boy.

This post was truly difficult to write. It was hard to relive the meltdowns that broke my mommy heart. Watching your child lose control of his behavior to such an extent is awful; the pitiful, confused look in his eyes tore me to pieces. He didn't understand what was happening, and I felt useless because I had no answers; no solutions. It also gave me a new understanding, a new empathy, for parents and caregivers of children who struggle with these types of meltdowns daily. I chose to post our story because this information was not available to us. Had we known this was a potential side effect of that drug, we likely would have chosen a different one.

Jack Jargon {Past conversations, part 2}

Hope you enjoyed the last Jack Jargon post! Adding a few more today. ;)

"Oh momma! I love you again and again and big and big and big!"

April 18, 2014

April 22: (after using the potty)

Jack: I did it!!

Me: Yay! Let's put your undies on, then you can pick a sticker.

Jack: Wellllll, ok. But first lemme do my dance moves!

*Proceeds to do something similar to the cha-cha slide on the rug in just a t-shirt.*

April 23:

(After getting fussed at by the hubs and then being to "upset" to finish his dinner)

Me: Oh Daddy tell him you're not mad at him--you broke his heart!

Dad: Dude, I'm not mad at you. You just need to stop kicking the table and eat your apples.

Jack: But daddy! I has a broke heart!!

April 24:

Jack: Daddy, you are white.

Me: What color is mom?

Jack: Brown!!

Me (couldn't help myself): And what color are you?

Jack: Yellow!!! (and now you know...)

May 15:

Jack (yelling across the house): MOM! What are you doing??

Me: I'm doing some work. (paying bills at the kitchen table)

Jack: Come do your work in here, in my room, so I can yook at you!

May 30:

Jack: Oh momma! I dis yove you!

Me: I love you too! You're my favorite! (Something I've told him since he was born)

Jack: No mom you my favorite!...Mom? What "favorite" means?

Me: It means I love you more than anybody else in the whole world.

Jack (after pausing to think about it): Oh mom I yove you in da widest world. I yove you more den da moon and da snow. 

-several smooches later-

Jack: Ok dat's enough kisses now.

Aaaand now we're all caught up!